Why Marathon of Learning?

Back in 2011 I started capturing stories from my life. Or simple observations. The idea being that I need to remember what I’m learning and track how I’m thinking.

That year I had read Mindset by Carol Dweck and realized I didn’t like how I thought on a lot of things, particularly struggles and failure. I needed a more growth oriented mindset. So, I started writing.

Why marathon? It’s proven to fit well as it’s now 2018 and I’m still learning. Learning isn’t a sprint. Not a 400 meter dash. It’s ongoing. It’s life long.

More recently I’m learning the value of knowing, sharing and writing your story. This is part of my story.

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Perspectives


        


What do you see?  Describe it.  

Would you agree that its a white styrofoam cup with red lettering that says "Sit and sip awhile"?

  


How about this one?  Describe it.
Would you agree that its a white styrofoam cup with a large red icon that looks like a chicken?  Any words?  




And this one?  Describe it.
Looks like a styrofoam cup again.  White.  I can see "Sit..." but that's it.  I can see some red marks on the left side but its not really clear what the image is.  Same on the right.

If a person only saw the first picture and described it to a person that only saw the last picture, would they be describing the cup the same way?  How about the middle picture? Which would be wrong?  

They'd each be describing the same cup but they'd be describing it in different ways.  And, they'd each be accurate.  And, they'd all not being seeing what the other person was describing.

Situations, problems, opportunities...  I think they all are like this cup.  I tend to see them from the angle that I naturally see things.  And another person is very likely going to see them differently.  It's very easy for me to think I'm right which means they must be wrong.  Often we are looking at the same "cup" but just seeing a different side of it.  

I also have realized that when I am having trouble solving a problem I often need to simply find a different angle to look at the problem from.  I've seen this when I'm putting together a jigsaw puzzle.  When I'm stumped, I walk away and come back later and look at it from a different position. Often, the piece I'm looking for "magically" appears when I find a different perspective to look at it.

How about a disagreement with another person?  We tend to just yell louder what we see from our angle.  Would that make sense when describing this cup?  If you want the best perspective on this cup, you would either purposefully walk around it to see it completely or you would listen closely to what others see.  That would give you the best understanding of what the cup looks like completely.  Maybe when we are in a disagreement we should stop insisting on what we see and consider listening more closely to what the other person sees first.  

Even if our perspective is best, often we are able to best persuade others when we can show that we see it from their angle as well.  

Seeing the other person's perspective doesn't mean you always have to say they are right.  But, it does show that you understand their perspective.  That's a great place to begin a discussion.  

Rather than reading books that reinforce your perspective, maybe its time to read some books or listen to some podcasts that expand your perspective.  We like when others affirm our thoughts.  They are simply reinforcing the cup looks like you described from that angle.  We don't tend to like when people challenge our perspective.  But, often, they are simply describing another angle of the same cup.  

You don't have to compromise your beliefs to understand the beliefs that others have.  In fact, often the best way to strengthen your beliefs is to see them from multiple perspectives.     

Thursday, September 19, 2019

Hitting Your Marks

Imagine yourself in a Porsche 911 GT2.  On a race track, completely by yourself.  No limits.  Taking laps.


Image result for porsche 911 GT2 on track


You are on the long straight away, gas pedal on the floor.  Engine whining!  140, 150, 160, 180 mph...!  And then... CRASH!!!!  

Image result for Porsche 911 hits the tire barrier

What happened?!?!  Well, at the end of that straight is a 90 degree right turn and you didn't hit the brakes in order to enter that turn under control.  Car went straight into the tire barrier at full speed.

Good news is you survived.  A little sore.  Also good news is you have another Porsche 911 GT2 you can get back on the track with.  How will you approach that straight away the next time?

Hit your marks!

On the side of the track, approaching the turns, are numbered signs.  Race drivers learn at which mark they need to get off the gas and onto the brakes in order to make the turn safely while not compromising their lap times.  The best drivers know exactly what their limits are because they've practiced, learned from mistakes, and studied others that are better than them.


The best driver isn't the one that hits the top speed on the straight away.  It's the driver that hits their marks and has the best lap time AND protects the car so they can do lap after lap without crashing or wearing out the equipment prematurely.  If its a qualifying lap, they know how hard the car can go one lap.  If its a 2 hour race, they know how hard the car can go between fuel stops.  If its a 24 hour race, they know how hard the car can go.  Top speed doesn't matter if the car dies before the end of the race.  AND, simply lasting till the end doesn't matter if you are 10 laps behind the rest of the field.  The key is optimizing your pace while avoiding a crash or burnout.  

We all have "marks" we need to hit in our personal lives as well as our professional lives.  Examples in my personal life would be daily prayer and devotion time, hitting my target calories each day, monthly check ins with my mentors, daily reading, exercise...

Examples at CFA would be things like our parking lot timer, setting clear expectations with team members at the beginning of the shift, breaks, food safety/quality checks, ice timer, repeating orders...  When we stop using our marks, we tend to hit the corners too fast and either wear out the tires prematurely or crash.  We want to win the race.  We need to make it to the end of the race to win it.  For us, its a 16 hour race each day.  Let's hit our marks.

Here is an in-car video of a hot lap at the local road track.  Hitting the marks.  


And another in a track prepared racing Ferrari with the driver narrating and explaining his "marks".


Another one with a driving coach sharing the thinking on a lap.  Hitting marks.  Shifting perspectives...


Thursday, May 23, 2019

Me and Tom Brady (or Brooks Koepka)

Last weekend was the PGA Championship and there were two big stories from it.  1)  Tiger missed the cut after having won the Masters 4 weeks prior.    2)  Brooks Koepka began the final round with the largest lead since the 1930s.

Both stories had a common component.  Preparation.  Tiger is older now.  He needs weeks and weeks of prep to build up to a PGA major event.  Between the post Master's events, only 4 weeks between events, and an illness just prior to the event, Tiger wasn't able to complete his necessary prep work to begin the event in a condition to win.

Brooks Koepka is 29.  Single.  In tremendous shape.  Strong mind.  He came prepared and dominated from the first few tees.  He had some issues in the final round but was able to draw on his preparation and power through to victory.  And commentators were already speculating on how long he could keep that level of preparation up. 

Tom Brady doesn't eat Strawberries... or lots of other common foods.  Why?  He's found that being over 40 in the NFL, his success hinges directly on everything he does between games.  His diet.  His exercise.  His preparation.

Michael Phelps.  In his final Olympics, Phelps was aiming for particular number of golds and needed one more.  The challenge was that his last swim was so close to his previous swim and dramatically cut into his pre-swim prep.  That was the story.  How would he adapt?  He won.

Story after story of pro athletes that have maintained a high level of performance directly related to their prep.  And its not just physical prep.  It's mental.  Ever notice all the guys wearing headphones as they arrive at the event hours before game time?  They are getting their mental game going.

How often do we just jump into an activity or role with limited prep?  We want sustained excellence but we don't do the prep work.  And, just because we've excelled previously we act like that will just continue.  Often, as we age, as life adds complexity, as the role grows, we actually need more preparation, not less.

If tomorrow matters.  Preparation matters.                   

   

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Tony, You Are an Underachiever...

"Tony, you are an underachiever."

Those are the words of one of my college professors when I went to his office after getting a D on a book summary.  I didn't respond too well to that comment in the moment BUT I didn't dismiss it either.  And, it turns out he was right.  Or, at least partially right.

That same year my college baseball coach gave me an opportunity I had been saying I wanted for 3+ years.  I wanted to pitch.  I had been at shortstop most of High School and College and it wasn't my favorite position.  Pitcher and catcher were my favorites but thanks to some injuries early in High School plus the fact that our team needed a shortstop I ended up there most of my games.  I kept asking my college coach for an opportunity at pitcher or catcher.  The reality was we already had enough decent catchers so I knew that probably wasn't going to be my opportunity.  But, a team rarely has enough quality pitchers.  I asked for 3 years.  "No, Tony, we need you at shortstop."

Then, in the fall of my senior year, my coach calls my name before a game and says "Tony, go warm up."  I was a little confused.  I was ready to play shortstop that game, just as I had for the previous 3 years.  So, I asked "to pitch??" and he said "yes".  YES!!!

I don't actually remember how that game went but it must have gone pretty well because by the spring, I was one of our top 3 starting pitchers.  After 4+ years of no pitching, I had my opportunity and I was making the most of it... Until, my arm started throbbing.  Because I hadn't been preparing to pitch, my arm wasn't conditioned to handle the strain of pitching.  Many nights I couldn't sleep due to the pain.  Advil and Motrin had become a daily supplement.  By the end of that season, I not only couldn't pitch, I couldn't even throw the ball from shortstop to 1st base.  I finished the year playing 2nd base so I could get the ball to 1st.

What if I had prepared during those years that I had been asking for the opportunity to pitch?  I had enough talent to go right in and become a starting pitcher with zero preparation for years.  I knew I was a better pitcher than I was shortstop but I hadn't prepared.  Who knows if I had the ability to play at least minor league ball BUT I do know I was talented enough to at least consider it.  When the opportunity presented itself, I wasn't ready.

At the end of my senior year instead of hopes of continuing playing ball, I was thankful for the time to rest my arm.  I didn't throw a ball for over a year and the next time I did, it was on a church softball team.

My professor was right.  I had underachieved.  Thankfully, though, God had another door ahead of me that my baseball experience was preparing for.  Another opportunity and, again, preparation would be key.  Would I be prepared this time?

Friday, April 19, 2019

Fields of Dreams

The last few days have been spent at my grandparents house near Cobleskill, NY.  It's a place I've visited my entire life.  Each visit is a benchmark of my past, from my earliest memories.  Some are really just memories of photos that I don't actually remember living.  They begin in a house my grandfather built on a street he has lived his entire life on.  My bedroom being upstairs on the other side of my parents room (no hallway).  My great grandmother's house just a baseball throw away and across the street.  Their yards were huge... at least in my memory.  I don't remember an end to their backyards.  It was "impossible" to hit a ball out of the yard.  We could roam freely, no limits.  Well, that's what I remember.  Now, as I drive by those houses, the yards seem remarkably normal.  The Weeping Willows are still there but the yards aren't as big.

On this trip, I realized something else.  My dreams had changed.    Life has happened.  I've grown.  I have a career.  A family.  And as I've gone down these paths, the limitless dreams, sometimes assumptions of how life would be, have evolved in my mind just like the yards I grew up playing ball on.  Some dreams, like the Weeping Willows, are still there.  They've grown over the years and endured the winters.  Some are like the boundaries of the yards.  I'm not sure if they've shrunk but they sure aren't as limitless and grand as they seemed 30 years ago.  Some, like the Shortstop Diner in Cooperstown, are just gone.  They don't exist anymore.

I also saw how those dreams have shaped me.  It's Cobleskill and Cooperstown that gave me an image of life outside a large city.  They gave me a target to aim for when CFA asked where we'd like to live.  A place that was smaller and a bit slower than the big city.  A place with fresh air, stillness.  A place where a community may still gather at "general stores".  Oh, and baseball.  I dreamed of playing at least minor league ball.

Running the bases with my daughters at the Bulls ballpark, slowing just a bit as we got to shortstop to take a look at home plate and envisioning a ground ball coming.  Or, a couple swings with a wooden bat and real baseballs during an open house.  That's how Durham has played into my early baseball dreams.  Part of me still thinks I could play the game if I put forth the effort...

A baseball, a bat, a ball diamond is still what inspires me to dream.  They still provide a moment of comfort.  Peace.  Stillness.  A place to think about what's next.  To dream about what's next.

My sport has changed.  My family has changed.  My home has changed.  My dreams have changed.  But, I can still go after them if I put forth the effort.






Saturday, March 30, 2019

Varsity vs Rec League

Growing up playing baseball in little league, it was just part of the game that some of the kids on the team couldn't catch, throw or hit.  We were kinda used to it.  When the ball went that way, you knew it wouldn't be an out.  You just hoped it wouldn't be an in the park home run that started out as a ground ball to second base...  I enjoyed the game starting out.

A very distinct memory I have is that when I made the high school baseball team, I started to experience baseball very differently.  It didn't matter where the ball was hit.  Every position was capable of making the play.  We no longer had to put the fastest guy in a position to always back up the guy that never caught the ball.  Each player could truly focus on their role and trust the entire team.  Baseball got so much more enjoyable to play when you could trust your teammates.  All of them.

When we put together a team we need to be very intentional about whether we are a rec team just giving people a chance to try something or are we a Varsity level team that is committed to playing with excellence?

We also must consider who we want to attract.  The best ball players want to play with other good ball players.  A star athlete isn't likely to stick around on a rec team very long when they can't trust their teammates on routine plays.

As coaches, we get to decide who plays and when they play.  Do we want to attract the star Varsity player?  Or, the kid that doesn't know which side of the plate to stand on when its time to hit?

Be the coach that will attract those players.

Build the team that will attract other great players.

That's where championships are built.                 

Friday, March 29, 2019

... disaster is imminent

"When the rate of external change exceeds the rate of internal change, disaster is imminent."  Dan Cathy shared this years ago.

It's March 2019.  March is normally a fairly busy month at CFAROX.  In February we were looking forward to March and planning for some steady growth given the trends at the time.  Then March hit.  And it hit fast!  The week of March 1 was our busiest week ever.  Every day has been the level normally only seen on Fridays.  As I type this we are up 22%.  It's possible that we could beat our previous best month by 10%.  And that is with 5 Sundays, one less business day.  We could be up in one month what used to be a solid annual increase.

The rate of change is mind-bending.  So, what should we do...?  Hit the gym!

We can't sustain this level of performance unless we are hitting the leadership and personal growth gym.

Physical fitness - It can be exhausting to have 20% growth.  We've got to be healthy and have endurance.

Relational fitness - We've got to have supporters inside and outside the business.

Mental fitness - We've got to continue learning.  The problems that come with this level of business are opportunities to learn and discover new, smarter ways to do what we do.

And, of course, it begins with spiritual fitness.  Proverbs 4:23  "Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it."
           

Monday, March 11, 2019

Prepare for the Unknown

Back in 2007 I was lying on a hospital bed hooked up to some monitors and an IV.  Probably sounds like a dramatic story coming, huh?  Sorry.  Just a routine hernia surgery.  In and out in no time.  Running again within a few weeks.

In 2006 I had run a marathon and I had continued my fitness into 2007 so I was in pretty good shape.  Not world class.  My marathon time wasn't exactly remarkable but I did complete it.

As I was lying there, the doctor asked if I exercised because my heart rate was pretty low.  My resting heart rate when I'm in good cardio shape is in the 40s, often the low 40s.  That's only OK if you are exercising.  It's a concern if this is normal without exercise.  So, all good.  Then he makes a comment that has stuck with me.  "Tony, your fitness is making my job easier AND your recovery will be quicker."  That's good news when a surgeon is telling you this.  I certainly hadn't planned on having that surgery but my preparation sure helped out.

Pro athletes, Navy Seals, actors...  They all train hard and they train for the unknown.  It's too late if you find yourself in a jam that you haven't prepared for.  Reminds me of the movie Captain Philips.  3 Navy Seal snipers take out 3 pirates with 3 shots (one shot each) simultaneously.  Precision was an absolute must.  If any of the 3 had missed their shot by even a few inches, the hostages would have been likely killed.  Oh, and the sniper shots were taken from a boat at a boat that were both rocking in the waves.  Did those snipers know they'd one day have to perform this scenario?  I doubt it.  How often do you hear about these things?  There is a reason this was turned into a movie...  What if they hadn't prepared for this unknown?

What does that look like?  3 For 3.  Regular workouts to develop Mental, Relational, and Physical fitness.  In order to develop a Strong Work Ethic, Relentless Pursuit of Excellence and A Servant Mindset.

Mentors, books, podcasts, walking, running, pushups, healthy foods...  You probably won't reap the benefits of all these immediately BUT they will prepare you for opportunities that come down the road.  If those Seals had waited till this emergency to train on the skills needed to execute the mission those hostages probably wouldn't have survived.

What are you preparing for?
           

       

Friday, March 8, 2019

I Can Do That

                                                        
Growing up, one of my favorite ballplayers was Cal Ripken Jr.  I was super pumped to get one of his rookie baseball cards.  1982 Topps.

He played for the Baltimore Orioles his entire career, mostly at shortstop which was part of the appeal for me.  I was a shortstop.

Cal didn't have a pretty swing.  In fact, it was kind of ugly.  I read that he was constantly adjusting it.  Relentless Pursuit of Excellence before I knew the phrase.  He was never "the best player in the game."  He was a solid player.

BUT, there was one thing he did better than anybody else in the game, ever.  He showed up.  In fact, he showed up for 2,632 consecutive games.  That is 502 more than the second most, Lou Gehrig.  That is 17 years in a row without missing a game about 160 games per season.  He played through sprained ankles, twisted knees, a broken nose, even a herniated disk.  These are on top of the routine wear and tear of any pro ball player.  This earned him a spot in the MLB Hall of Fame.

Cal Ripken was one of my heros growing up.  He seemed like a normal guy that just showed up and played the game.  Not flashy.  Not pretty.  Just showed up.  Every day.  I COULD DO THAT

I have no doubt that this consistency is what opened doors for me.  I showed up and did what I said I would day in and day out.  CFA had trust in me.  I worked with much more talented people than me.  Much smarter.  But, they weren't consistent.  They didn't get the opportunity.

There are alot of things I can't do very well but I can show up.  I CAN DO THAT.

Thursday, March 7, 2019

What can you do about it?

Back in 1998 I had a conversation with a very successful businessman and during our time together I learned that he had dropped about 50 lbs and was working on a few more.  He'd adjusted his diet and gave up a couple bad habits.  (This isn't a weight management post.  It just happens to involve a person's discipline as it pertained to his weight.)

He said "Tony, I can't control what other people think.  It doesn't matter if I think it is wrong, BUT it's my observation that society discriminates against big people.  Look at who gets opportunities and they are more often not overweight.  I've built this business with discipline and hard work and I want to be in position for more opportunities down the road.  When I look around at what I can control that could impact my future opportunities, I realized that I could do something about my weight.  So, I had a choice.  I could remain as I was and disagree with people that discriminate against me, or I can control what I can control and avoid that obstacle all together.  I decided to do what I could do."

I haven't kept in contact with this person over the years but I am aware of them and see them occasionally.  He HAS been given more and bigger opportunities and is thriving.  I'm not sure if his decision to control his weight specifically played into these opportunities but I am certain that his mindset to control what he can control has been a driver of his success professionally and personally.     

Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Pot of Gold at the end of the rainbow...

                                      

What if there really was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?  Would you try to find it?

I'm reading a book about people searching for a "lost city" on the Amazon river.  Stories include vast amounts of gold and other treasure at this city.  BUT, there is doubt that the city ever actually existed.  Hundreds of people have explored the area, many never making it back out.  The assumption is they died in their efforts.  Either from snake bites, starvation, cannibal tribes...  The "treasure" caused them to think different than most normal people.

People will go to great lengths for treasure.  Often, they will do things they've never done before.  Sometimes good.  Sometimes bad.

When I can see an opportunity but not the path to it, often I'll ask myself "if there was a million dollars (tax free) sitting at the solution to this problem, would I figure it out"?  If the answer is yes, then I ask "how would I get there"?  This usually gets me out of my routine thinking which clearly wasn't working to turn the problem at hand into an opportunity.

Who in their "right mind" goes exploring the Amazon?  Rarely do people thinking normally accomplish great things.

Tonight, look up in the sky at the moon.  Then, imagine landing there.  Somebody did that and they did it by creating their own "pot of gold" to help them think beyond their current thinking.  If you don't know the story of Apollo 13, check it out.  For them, landing on the moon was the initial opportunity but then, in the middle of the mission, simple survival became the "pot at the end of the rainbow" and it resulted in remarkable thinking and problem solving.

Today, somebody is thinking about landing on Mars.  Today, somebody is thinking about curing cancer.  Today, somebody is thinking about curing Alzheimer's.  I hope they are thinking beyond their thinking yesterday.  I hope they have a BIG pot of "treasure" in their mind to help them to keep thinking bigger.

What are you dreaming of doing?  What is the "pot of gold" that is going to help you think unlike you've ever thought before?




Thursday, February 28, 2019

Passion or Purpose?

It was the summer of 1996.  I had graduated from college, played my last college baseball game and had decided on pursing the path of CFA operator.  As a result, I was working 6 days a week, averaging 60 hour weeks (for those that don't love math, that means half of the weeks were more than 60 hours).  I was on salary, making $19,000 a year (adjusting for inflation, that is $31,000 today).  I asked for more $$ or a day off.  The answer I got was NO.  Kaylyn and I were about to be engaged and I remember standing in her drive way telling her I was drained.  My tank was empty.

So, where would I find time to refuel?  Well, I was also playing baseball on a local mens team around metro Atlanta because baseball was my passion.  Most games were Sunday afternoons.  I was working 6 days, going to church and then playing baseball on the 7th day.  As the summer wore on, I began to realize something.  Baseball wasn't my future.  It was my passion, but it wasn't my purpose.  I had 3 things taking my time and leaving no room for restoration.  CFA, Kaylyn, baseball.  I knew that the path to operator required my commitment to CFA.  I knew Kaylyn was going to be my wife.  That left baseball as simply a passion with no purpose.

I called the coach up and told him I couldn't continue.  To this day, it's the only role I've ever quit prematurely.  That was my last time playing in a baseball game.  It was a hard decision.  I love baseball and I hate quiting.   And, it was the right decision.

The world says "follow your passion".  There is some value there BUT it becomes destructive when your passion and your purpose conflict.  The key is to find where passion and purpose overlap.

That's when CFA became my next sport.  It turns out that while I do enjoy throwing and hitting the ball, what I really enjoy is team competition.  I wasn't going to make a living in baseball.  At that moment in her driveway, I wasn't passionate about CFA.  I had to bring those together so that I could make a living doing something I'm passionate about.  It was a decision that changed my life.

Passion alone can take you down the wrong path.  Purpose alone can be draining.  Find your purpose and bring your passion into it.     

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

A/C switch

                                      Image result for 1990 blue honda accord ex
My second car was a 1990 blue Honda Accord with a sun roof.  I really enjoyed that car.  It was quick, handled well and it had a sunroof!  It also had 90,000 miles when I got it...

A while after I got it, the dial for the A/C control broke and I was left with a little metal knob that I needed pliers to adjust anytime I wanted to adjust my climate control in the car.  I drove it like this for well over a year.

Motormite 76894 HVAC Heater Control Knob for 90-93 Honda Accord

My mom asked me why I wasn't getting a new plastic cover so that I could adjust the temperature like most people and I told her I didn't want to spend the $$.  I don't remember the cost but lets go with $25.  She then asked me if I thought I would get a knob before selling the car and I told her YES.  Then she asked if I had $25 I could spend to get the new one and I told her YES.  Then she asked why would I intentionally deal with the difficulty for so long if I knew how to fix it and had the $$ to do so...?  If I was going to spend the $25 eventually, why not go ahead and do it now and enjoy the benefit going forward?

People tend to do this with their homes, too.  It's not uncommon for people to decide to sell their house, do the repairs/remodels to make it sell better and then realize they like their house so much more after the repairs/remodels.  Why did they wait to spend the??  They could have done it a year ago and enjoyed the investments but they waited.  Same $$.  Less benefit.     

What is broken in your day that you are choosing to deal with the hard way when the solution is available now?  What are you waiting for?     

   

Monday, February 25, 2019

My (leadership) Fitness Pal

In January, some of us at CFAROX began a fitness challenge.  Every day since that kick-off event I've tracked my calories and exercise.  Every day, I've gone to bed knowing how I did in my pursuit of being more physically fit.  Some days have been better than others.

I didn't learn anything new.  I had all the same knowledge prior to committing to tracking my behavior.

I've had a nice dinner at Angus Barn.  I've had lots of good free food at our annual seminar.  I've enjoyed Super Bowl snacks.  I've had one of the best meals I've ever had at a restaurant in California.  And, I've tracked it.  By tracking it, I've learned to prepare.  That Angus Barn dinner...  I still ended the day within my target AND enjoyed the dinner.

The result is that my belt is not as tight.  I've run further than I have in 3.5 years.  I've run faster than I have in 2 years.  No new knowledge.  The only thing I've paid for is a new pair of running shoes.

I simply committed to tracking my calories in and out daily.

What fitness goal do you have?  Physical fitness?  Relational Fitness?  Mental Fitness?  Spiritual Fitness?  Are you tracking it?  Daily?

I can tell you for certain, if I stop tracking my fitness, I will go back to my old behavior and get the results that got me out of shape to begin with.

What are you tracking?  Are you tracking the things you say you want to accomplish? 

Say It, Do It.



Friday, February 22, 2019

He's a good....

Sometime near my 10th year as operator we had some folks from CFA visiting the store and one introduced me as a "really good numbers operator".  They meant it as a compliment but that comment stuck with me and not in a good way.  Why did they qualify their statement with "numbers"?  Why not just "really good operator"?  I began studying what it would mean to be a good, well rounded, operator and committed to growing into that.

Fast forward to last week.  At our CFA gathering in California I was talking with a couple people and one introduced me as "a really good operator".  I immediately recalled that introduction 10+ years ago and the comment stuck with me...  and not in a good way.

A "good operator" runs a complete business.  Culture, numbers, results...  But, why did they qualify the statement with "operator"?  I'm sure they meant well.  But, I know operators that when I introduce them I wouldn't limit their introduction to "operator".  He is a great person.  A tremendous influence.  A caring person.  An impactful leader.  A good and faithful servant.  Sure they are also a "good operator" but that's not even close to capturing who they are. 

10 years ago I was introduced as a "good numbers operator".  Last week I was introduced as a "good operator".  Tomorrow I hope to be introduced as a good and faithful servant. 

Thursday, February 21, 2019

On my knees

A couple weeks ago, our church selected me to become an Elder and part of the process included an "installation" during the service.  They called me to the front and I answered some questions, vows.  Then, I was asked to kneel and all the elders gathered around me and prayed.  As I kneeled, my perspective shifted immediately.  I had been consciously standing straight (as my mom taught me).  Hands clasped.  Still.  In control.  Respectful.  And, I thought, humble...

Then I was asked to kneel.  When you get on your knees in front of alot of people, and with people standing around you, the feeling changes.  It's a submissive position.  A humbling position.  A good position.

We aren't a church that does alot of kneeling.  I don't know why some churches kneel more than others.  I'm sure some do it so much that it may lose it's meaning.  Our's probably doesn't do it often enough.

It's so easy to see our surroundings from the perspective of standing up straight.  It's how we normally present ourselves.  We've been taught to stand up straight.  "Be professional".  Act with authority.  Be strong. 

BUT, when I was on my knees in front of the congregation, I think I had the best perspective for serving in the role of elder.  AND,  I think that may be true of my role as husband, father, business owner, friend...

We can't always be on our knees literally but we can make an effort to make it the perspective from which we serve.

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

It's all Portuguese to me....

The theme at NEXT was "Win the Heart".  This may come as a bit of a surprise but that theme didn't exactly get me amped up as we headed to Anaheim, California.  But, 4 days without kids in California with free food and seeing some good friends that we don't see often still was something to look forward to.

Day 2 began with Trudy White (Truett's daughter and John White's mom) sharing a bit of her story.  A part of that story included the beginning of their time in Brazil.  She was having trouble picking up Portuguese, the primary language there, and her inability to communicate easily was contributing to a feeling of being completely overwhelmed and at the end of a particularly hard day she turned to God in desperation.  "Help!!"

As Trudy shared this, I realized something.  Language about "winning the heart" isn't my native language.  In fact, I had just talked with Kaylyn a couple weeks ago about how I need help understanding the feelings and emotions that are occuring in our family.  It's not something I naturally pick up quickly.  It's like Portuguese was for Trudy.  I realized right then that I had not turned to God for help in this area.  I had been content not being able to "speak the language" but I realized that in doing so, I was beginning to get overwhelmed and limiting the person God created me to be.

Just as God responded to Trudy's plea, He has been waiting for me to ask.  "God, I don't understand all this!  Help!"

At NEXT, we have a few options of sessions we can attend and I typically choose those that interest me.  In that moment, I felt a nudge to select a session that I'd never have chosen for fun.  "Cultivating a Healthy Soul".  I think Kaylyn was just a wee-bit surprised when I told her I was going to that one with her.  There were other "practical" options...

After that morning, instead of looking for affirmations that we were doing all the right things and that I'm a good leader, I was paying close attention to how I could learn to "win the heart".  Beginning with my own heart.  Then others.

Right now, it's all still a foreign language to me.  It might as well be Portuguese.  But, I'm learning.  HE is winning my heart.

Monday, January 21, 2019

What's Your PR?

In 2006, a friend and I decided to train for a marathon.  I had been running 3 miles most days and could run a max of about 5 miles.  A marathon is 26.2 miles.  I don't even love running.   Honestly, most days I don't even like it.  I do like challenges, though.  I like competition.  This was a personal challenge and a competition against myself.  Every day part of me wanted to be lazy and part of me wanted to check off that day's workout.  The finish line of the Marine Corp Marathon was a rewarding experience BUT the most impactful experience was the daily competition.  I won most of the days from the day I signed up for the marathon till the day I ran it.  Not all of them, but most.

Dec 31, 2018.  A quick self assessment revealed that I needed a change.  In may of 2018 I had run for the last time that year.  I was experiencing some joint discomfort that pushed me to try some different fitness options.  They weren't bad.  I was getting stronger BUT, I was also getting fatter and I found myself getting winded too easily.  When I heard myself breathing hard after some basic activity I decided it was time to get back into cardio exercise and running is the easiest option. 

January 1, 2019 I ran for the first time in 7 months.  That was the longest stretch of no running since I started in 1995.  My goal was to finish 3 miles without stopping.  That has been my baseline distance since 2003.  I had no time goal.  Just finish without walking.  And, I did.  With a pace of just over 10 minutes/mile.  Since then, my goal has been to trim my pace.  Yesterday, January 18th, I did my 9th run of 2019.  It was my first run under 9 minute pace in a LONG time.  It wasn't easy.  I think people could hear my breathing half a mile away.  I even heard a guy yell from his garage "You got it!"  I'm guessing he heard me passing...  But I got it!  My PR (personal record) for the past year. 

So, what's the point?  Back in 2006, I remember days at the store where things weren't great.  That happens when you are on a team.  There is almost always something that needs attention.  The more people on the team, the more challenges.  The marathon training gave me something I could work on that was just me.  No team.  Nobody but me.  Nobody to coach but me.  Nobody to push but me.  Same thing the last 18 days.  The only one standing between me and my goal was me.  Sound selfish?

These challenges provide a break from coaching others and allow me to lead me.  Instead of 100+ people, just 1.  I find I lead others better when I lead me well.  And, sometimes things may not be going like I want them to with the team but I can still go for a run.  I can find that win on a day that may not have had many wins.  AND, the win at the end of the run can lead to wins elsewhere.  I know I lead others better when I'm leading me well. 

What is your personal win today?  What could it be tomorrow?  Sometimes, days on a team can be a challenge but you can always find your personal win.  Lead you to those wins and then you will lead others better.




Friday, January 18, 2019

Doughnuts Make You Stronger!


Image result for baseball doughnut

Prior to an at bat, the next batter in the lineup typically is in the "on deck circle" where they are preparing for the at-bat.  Getting their batting gloves on tight.  Applying pine tar to the bat to enhance the grip.  Timing the pitcher.  And some use a doughnut on their bat to help them in the moments before their at-bat.  What is this doughnut?  It's a weight that slides onto the bat so you can take practice swings with a slightly heavier bat so that when you are at the plate, preparing for your real at-bat your bat will feel lighter.  There is debate about whether this practice actually improves bat speed or just makes it feel faster.  Regardless of the science, that preparation contributes to the batter's confidence as they approach the plate.  And, that is what matters.  Hitting a baseball isn't easy.  Hitting a baseball when you have doubts is even harder.  You've got to be fully prepared and even then, you are likely to fail 70% of the time.

Changing gears just a bit.  For 2 years I was the Chairperson for the Board of Directors at Voyager Academy.  I didn't really want that role but I was asked and it appeared to be the right time and some of the needs of the time fit my strengths so I accepted.  I anticipated that it would be a challenging time and I wasn't wrong.  In fact, I had underestimated the challenge and the weight of the role.

Voyager is a school with 1,300 students.  Probably about 700-800 families represented.  Over 100 full time staff.  One of the larger Charter Schools in NC where there is a heated debate on the merit of Charter Schools.  Just ask the Mayor of Durham what his thoughts are.  Some people in powerful positions in the city and state are looking for any reason to shut them down.  Google Excelsior Academy and read the headlines of what the city did to them last year.

So, we need to educate the kids in a way that optimizes their opportunities the rest of their lives AND we have to do it in full compliance with state regulations.  Some of those make sense and some... not so much.  There is alot going on in a school Voyager's size.  Alot that has to work and work the right way.

When I'd drop kids off in carpool, attend school events, see Voyager uniforms in our dining room, meet parents in the community or wake up at 2:00 AM I was reminded of how much was riding on the school.  And, the board is in charge.  And, the chair has the most influence on the board.  So, one could argue that the single most influential role at the school is the chair.  Maybe not on what happens that day but on the health and sustainability of the school over the next 1-5 years.  That is alot of weight.  For 2 years. 

But, last June (2018), my term ended.  I wasn't just done with my time as chair but my term as a board member was up.  Suddenly, that responsibility was gone.  That weight was gone.  And, it was noticeable.

I've been a CFA operator for over 20 years.  Every day for over 20 years.  That's over 7,300 consecutive days.  And, it's not a light weight role.  There have been many days that the weight of the role has seemed overwhelming.  Sometimes entire years where this was the case.  It seemed the odds of succeeding were way less than getting a hit against a major league pitcher.

BUT, after those 2 years as Voyager Chair, when the extra weight of that role was taken away, the role of "only being an operator" felt lighter.  I felt more prepared to do my primary role.  I still had the same responsibilities.  The weight of the bat I was swinging was still the same.  The difficulty of hitting the pitch was still the same.  But, by swinging that bat with the extra weight from that other role for 2 years, the bat felt lighter when that temporary role was taken off. 

What I've learned is that a good way to prepare for my "at bats" as an operator at CFA is to find a "batter's box" that has a doughnut that I can take a few swings with so that I feel more prepared for the real at bats.  These are shorter term commitments outside CFA.  School board, Church role, coaching sports, Advisory Boards, mentoring...

If your role professionally feels heavy, you probably need to find a "doughnut" to add to your bat and take some swings.  Maybe for a week.  Maybe a year.  Maybe a couple years.  When your time with that commitment ends, your remaining roles will feel lighter.  You will be more prepared as you approach the plate to take your swings. 

Baseball players typically use that doughnut before each at bat.  Not, once a game or once a week.  What is your doughnut that is preparing you for your real at bats?  For some, CFA is the doughnut for another role.  For others, CFA is the game and they need to have a doughnut to help them with their at bats at CFA each day.             

Oh, and it doesn't have to be a heavy weight.  A baseball doughnut typically weighs 1/2 to 1 lb.  But, its 1/2 to 1 lb more than you are used to swinging.  You don't need to be a chairperson of the school board.  Maybe assistant Sunday School teacher of kindergarteners.  Coach of a rec ball team.  Mentor to a couple younger people.  It just needs to be a little weight to prepare you for the real at bats.         

   

                                       

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Clemson and Alabama

I think most of ya'll know who I was pulling for last night.  I've spent most of my life booing Alabama but in the last few years I have grown to appreciate their disciplined execution and consistent level of excellence.  Because of this I've become a reluctant fan.  I like watching excellence. 

So, what happened Monday night?  I'm no football scholar but what I saw was a team that wasn't prepared which is so surprising when that team is Alabama.  Preparation is what has built the dominance that they have had in college football the last 10-12 years.

Clemson was good but not 44-16 good.  Clemson was 20/32 passing.  135 total yards of rushing.  Neither of those stats is impressive.  Alabama had very similar stats.  22/34 passing and 148 yards of rushing.  Here is the difference.  Alabama had 2 very poorly executed plays resulting in interceptions leading to touchdowns by Clemson at key moments.  Alabama also had 2 fumbles although they recovered both of them.  That's 4 fumbles/interceptions compared to 0 for Clemson.  Clemson had 240 yards on 3rd down plays.  When Alabama had Clemson 3rd and long, they consistently gave up big plays.  Not just enough yards for 1st downs but long yards.  15+ yards.  And, most of those were clearly very bad execution.  Missed coverage where the defense was in the wrong place.  Mental errors.  Only a couple plays were won with outright physical overpowering.  Most were bad execution on the part of Alabama.  My college coach would often say "it's ok to make physical errors. Those happen.  It's the mental errors that you can't make.  There is no excuse for those."  Oh, and then there was the fake field goal.  Another bad mental mistake.  Who knows what they were thinking on that play.   

Clemson came prepared.  They are known to be a bit more showy.  They dance a bit more.  But, last night, they won because they came prepared.  They executed.  They didn't beat themselves.  They made very few mistakes.  No dumb penalties.  No blown coverage on pass plays.  They got beat on some plays but they rarely beat themselves       

Take away?  Past records don't matter today.  If you aren't prepared for today, it doesn't matter how good you've been in the past, you will lose.  The flip side is that with preparation, you can do just about anything.  As Sweeney (Clemson coach) said afterward "If we can do it, you can do it!"

So, today, are we Alabama with a great track record but maybe not much preparation today?  Or, are we Clemson, with some track record and a passion to rise up and willing to put in the preparation necessary to win?                   

Discipline eats talent for breakfast

When I was 7 years old I played my first organized baseball.  You've already read about how that year began with me kicking and screaming going to registration.  I didn't learn the full story of how that season ended till many years later.  I had been selected to the all-star team my first season.  My parents didn't tell me because they already had summer plans and the all-star schedule conflicted so they told the coach I couldn't join the team and they didn't tell me so I wouldn't be disappointed.  The next 13 years our summer plans worked around baseball.

I made the all-star team every year of little league, then I made the high school team, practicing with the varsity team as an underclassman (2 practices every day).  Then I made a Metro-Atlanta High School All-Star team.  Then I made a very real discovery.  Discipline beats talent.  I had more talent than most of the guys on that team BUT, most of the guys on the team had more discipline than I did. As a little league player we all tried the same but talent usually won.  As we got into high school, the guys that were committed started working out and training outside of practice.  And those guys that I used to beat with my talent began beating me with their discipline.  Today, I rarely see a major league ball player display talent beyond what I had.  BUT, they have the discipline to do what's needed that I didn't have.

I see the same thing in leadership of teams.  Some people have leadership talent that gets them on the team, in the game and even winning some.  It's the leaders with discipline that continue to add capacity and win over time.

Talent can win games.  Discipline wins championships and creates dynasties.

This is good news for all of us.  Talent is really difficult to obtain if you don't have it naturally.  Anybody can apply disciplined behavior today.  Some people are "natural" leaders.  The rest of us can become leaders through disciplined behavior.  Just as I experienced with baseball, often the natural talent shines early on BUT the disciplined behavior wins over time.     

Monday, January 7, 2019

Month-End End (Midnight Inventory Part II)

Read Midnight Inventory first!

Now, fast forward many years.  I don't recall the exact year but it was probably around 2011-2012.  Could be earlier.  I was still doing inventory.  The end of each month would come and I would still be the one counting inventory.  I had handed off other stuff, including other parts of month-end but I was still the only one doing inventory.  That means I probably did it at least 10 years, probably more like 12, especially if you count the 2 years I had a store in Atlanta.  That is 120-144 straight months of me doing inventory.  WHY?!?!?

It wasn't because I had just mindlessly continued to do it.  I had actually put some thought into it.  I thought it was good thought, too.  This is why I had continued:

1)  It's important.  If we miscount the inventory, our food or paper cost will be wrong.  That's bad for tracking and bad for my income.  I figured if it got messed up I wanted it to be me that messed it up.

2)  It gave me a way to stay connected with the business.  It forced me to walk the entire store and see the physical business.

3)  I didn't like doing it.  That's right, I kept doing it because I didn't like doing it.  I figured everybody would dislike it and it was something I could do and avoid dumping on somebody else.

4)  I ran good numbers (food and paper cost) and I didn't want to risk that changing.     

These are all legitimate reasons.  They are good reasons.  And, I was wrong...

So, I don't remember exactly why, but a month came where I wasn't going to be at the store on month end.  I suspect there was an event out of town that I needed to be at.  Tebo had been ordering truck for a while and counting inventory is similar.  Just more detailed.  So, I asked Tebo to take care of inventory that month.  Guess what?  Nothing fell apart.  Tebo survived.  Our food cost was fine.  I could be wrong but I think Tebo may have even liked being given that opportunity.

30 days later I had a decision to make.  Was I going to take inventory back or was I going to let Tebo do it again....?  Well, I did both.  My memory is we had a few questions after the first month so Tebo and I both did inventory.  I think we did this a couple months.  Then, Tebo took it.  I've not done inventory since then.  Guess what?  Those 4 concerns I had, here is how they worked out.

1)  We did make some mistakes along the way and I was able to help Tebo learn through them and get better.  This is key.  I didn't just dump it.  We worked through it till he had it well under control.

2)  It gave Tebo an additional connection to the store and performance and I was able to find other ways to stay connected.

3)  I think Tebo likes his role of owning numbers and inventory and this was key to that.

4)  I did run good numbers back then and we run even better numbers now.  By sharing ownership, I was able to focus on other stuff that needed my attention and Tebo was able to own food cost more completely.

What are you holding on to?  What are your reasons?  Any of them sound like my reasons?

Imagine if I had held on to inventory.  Would we be better or worse?  What about all the other stuff I used to do (pretty much everything from squeezing lemons to washing dishes to DT bagger to fileting...

What could you hand off this month?  Who could you create an opportunity for?  Don't overthink it.  Just do it.                   
     

Saturday, January 5, 2019

Midnight Inventory

April 1, 2001, around 8:00 PM

That's when Regan was born just down the street at Durham Regional Hospital (now Duke Regional).  It was a Sunday.  It was also End of the Month.

In our business there are some important tasks that must occur at the end of the month and before the next month begins.  When I first decided to pursue being an owner, month-end was actually a significant deterrent.  My birthday and Kaylyn's are both on the first of a month.  Same time Month-End occurs.  And back then, the amount of work at month end was significantly more time consuming due to the lack of technology back then.  A few of those tasks do still remain today, though.  One of those tasks is counting inventory.  These days, you'll see Tebo counting inventory the morning of the last day of the month.  Back then, I was the one doing inventory, and most of the Month End process.

I don't know why I hadn't done inventory on that Saturday but I hadn't.  So, it's Sunday night, the next day we'd be opening and it would be too late to get an accurate inventory to calculate food cost for March's P&L.  So, it still needed to be done.

Around midnight, the nurses took Regan to the nursery to do whatever they do with newborns.  It had been a long day.  At the hospital all day, experiencing her birth was incredible and draining.  And inventory still needed to be done...

My parents had come up when they heard we were heading to the hospital that morning.  So, at midnight, my dad and I headed up to the store to count all the inventory.  I don't remember how long it took.  I just remember being up at the store in the middle of the night, counting boxes, because I was the owner and if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done.

When you own something you are the one that must ensure it is taken care of.  Truett would remind operators all the time, "If it's got to be, it's up to me."

If you want opportunities, you've got to own them.  "If it's got to be, it's up to me."

P.S.- There is a part II to this story.  What about leadership?  Delegation?  Why was I the only one that could/would do inventory?  Great questions.  I was a good "owner" but still learning to lead.     

Friday, January 4, 2019

The Early Bird Gets The Opportunity

15 minutes early is on time, On time is late, Late is fired.

When I hear that line I think of Jerwaan Lloyd.  He was one of our managers when we opened and I still see him come in periodically as guest.  He would say this often.  And, its a good lesson.  But, there is more.  Why should I show up early? 

1)  It shows respect to others.  When you are late, you disrespect everybody that is wasting their time waiting on you.  You lose influence when you are late.

2)  It gives you options.  Hopefully you read about my Honda Accord.  If I had been planning on being on time, I would have been late.  Things happen.  Traffic, car problems, you forget something.  If you are early, you have options when these surprises come up.  And, remember, #1.  It doesn't matter why you are late.  It's always disrespectful and wastes other people's time.

3)  It gives you opportunities.  They may be small but sometimes they may become big.  As a team member, I learned that the time I'd have for a break was highly variable.  I might not even get a break if we were busy.  By showing up early, I had the choice of eating before my shift or at least getting a request in for a break before others arrived.  First come, first serve.  But, it also accumulates into bigger opportunities.  Because my managers could count on me to be there they gave me more opportunities.  Those opportunities added up to CFA giving me the opportunity to be an operator.  If I had only been as reliable as the average team member back then, I would have only gotten the same opportunities they got.  Not much.  Reminds me of Dave Ramsey's line "live like no one else now so you can live like no one else later."

4)  It lowers your stress.  Being late, especially to work, creates stress.  It distracts you.  It's hard to show up late and perform well once you are there.  Life and work have enough stress already.  Why add to it by being late.  That's an unforced error and its hard to win when you beat yourself.   

5)  It's kind of like waking up earlier than others.  The Early Bird Gets the Worm.  By showing up to work early, I was able to get some stuff done before my shift officially began.  As a leader, this is even more critical.  I preferred at least 30 minutes of prep time as a leader before the team needed me to assume my position that shift.  I found that by being early, the rest of my day would go well.

6)  Personal discipline overflows into other areas of your life.  If you can have the discipline to get to work early you probably will have the discipline to do other important tasks.  If you can't even show up on time why would you expect somebody to trust you with something more complex/meaningful.

P.S.  You could also say "showing up ready to work" is just as important.  Early but unready is just as useless.  Guys, if you can't be trusted to shave before showing up at CFA, do you really think you'll be trusted with more meaningful opportunities?   I hate shaving as much as anybody but come on.  It's not hard.  Brush your teeth, shave and put on deodorant if you are coming to CFA today... It's not difficult...                             

Thursday, January 3, 2019

My Honda Accord

Back around 1996 I got a used Honda Accord.  I loved it.  Quick, sporty, great fuel mileage, sunroof...  But then one morning on the way to work, it stopped.  I was still a couple miles from the mall I was working at and I was the opening manager.  I was the only one with keys that would be showing up that morning.  No cell phones back then.  I'm quickly doing the math.  How long will it take me to walk to the store??  I was going to need to run.  Fortunately, I was wearing "street clothes" which meant my uniform wasn't going to get sweaty during the run BUT it meant I had to run with a duffel bag.  The good news.  I had time.  Whatever my schedule said, I always planned to get to CFA at least 20-30 minutes early.  Quite a few reasons for this but on this day the only reason that mattered was it gave me options so I could still get to work and open the store on time even though my car wasn't going to make it with me.

I wish I could say I ran to work up hill in the snow with no shoes and in 40 MPH wind but the truth is right as I began the trek from my car to the store a guy stopped and offered me a ride.  This was 25 years ago, I was a fairly fit guy and I sized up the person offering me the ride and made the calculated risk that the offer was a good option.  (Do not try this at home).  The benefit of the ride was that I still made it to the mall before the rest of our team was scheduled to arrive and I had time to focus on my responsibility to get the store open even though my car didn't get there with me 

When people ask how I got the opportunity to become a CFA operator, this is how.  Back then, leadership wasn't a word we used much.  The business was much smaller.  Much simpler.  Operators did much of what our leadership team now does.  But, the foundation of leadership of others is leadership of your self.  I led myself well.  I ensured I always showed up.  That's critical.  The most talented player on a team has no value when they don't show up.  The value is only realized on the field, in the game.  The second part is I did what I agreed to do.  Say it, Do it.  Its certainly easier said than done but its often the simple difference between those that accomplish their goals and those that don't.  Show up and do what you agreed to do. 
   
When CFA offered me the opportunity to own a CFA location it wasn't because I was the smartest.  I wasn't dumb but there were lots more intelligent than me.  Not because I was the most talented.   I wasn't unskilled but there were lots with more talent than me.  Not because I was the friendliest.  Ya'll know me...  It was because they trusted me to Show Up and Do What I Said I Would Do.  And, that's still true.  At the end of all this, leadership adds capacity but opportunity begins with showing up and doing what you said you would do.

This is so easy to talk about but in real life it can be difficult.  Over 6 years as a team member, I was late twice (no more than 10 minutes total) and I missed 1 day (mom made me call out because I had stayed home from school).  There were plenty of excuses that I could have used BUT I am confident that if I had used the excuses most people use I wouldn't have been given the opportunity that few people get.  Track records open and close doors.  Excuses only close doors.

How did I get the opportunity to own a CFA?  I showed up.  Every day.  I did what I said.  Every day.  You can choose to do this as well.  You don't need some crazy talent or award winning smile.  The people that have those often call out.  Just show up and you'll pass most of the competition.  Then, do what you committed to and you'll pass the rest of the competition.  Very few people show up every day AND do what they committed to every day.

Say it, Do it.                   


                       

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Yes....

About a week ago I did a story about how often I've said NO to what should be a YES.  This is a similar story.

I do a planning day every month and one of the benefits of this day is time to reflect on my roles and identify what I'm doing well and what I'm not doing well.  This particular planning day I realized that I had a tendency to respond with no or a delayed yes when my girls would ask if we could do something.  Maybe its kick the soccer ball or play a board game...  I didn't like this trend.  I didn't like the message it sent to my girls so I decided that going forward my default answer would be "YES, lets go".  This is the answer unless I can't.  And "I can't" must be a real "I can't".  Not an "I can't" that's really a "I don't want to" or "I'd rather not" or "maybe" or "later".  I want them to expect the answer to be YES when they ask me to do something with them.

This can be applied at CFA as well.  What do I tend to say NO to?  What do I give delayed yes's to?  What needs to change?  What needs immediate Yes's?

It turns out that by deciding what you will say YES to up front, you are also deciding what you will say NO to.  Every YES also has a NO.  If we decide up front what gets YES and what gets NO, we are more likely to say YES to the best things and NO to the "just good" things.