Confidence

I love this picture.  Riley was about 3 or 4 years old and wanted to go out into the waves with me. She was uncertain about going out in the waves on her own so she asked me to take her out.  She knows that she is safe with me holding her but look at her hand on my back with a fist full of my shirt.  I am sure she had a smile on her face and if you asked her, she knew I would hold on to her.  But, just to be sure, she was holding on.  She was acting brave and eager but she still needed to hold onto something.

Sometimes, as a leader, you need to appear confident even when you aren't.  You need to have that smile on your face and confidence in your voice.  Maybe it is pushing forward to a level of performance you have never attained.  Maybe it is a major change in direction.  Maybe it is responding to a big problem that could potentially derail the progress you have made.  

If a leader waits till they are completely confident to act, most things worth doing will never happen.  But, if a team doesn't sense confidence from the leader, they will be very hesitant to accept change, or to push forward when things get rough.        

So, as a leader, what will you be holding onto to create that confidence?  Or, WHO will you be holding onto?  Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".       

    

When is Uncomfortable Good?

When you are buying shoes, you want them to be comfortable. If they are uncomfortable they could cause you to compensate with how you stand and walk which could result in foot, leg or back problems. With shoes, being comfortable is healthy.

What about calling up somebody that you admire to see if they will have breakfast or lunch with you so you can learn something? This is not something I would do to feel comfortable. Often I am a bit intimidated or just don't feel worthy of their time. Plus, they may reject me and say "no". In this case, is striving for comfort healthy or unhealthy?

What about looking for opportunities to grow? That often means acknowledging what you aren't strong at, like public speaking, maybe. That doesn't feel good. I'd rather think about what I am good at, like math. How would I get better at public speaking? By speaking in public, which makes me uncomfortable. How will I grow more, seeking opportunities that make me comfortable or uncomfortable?

When I'm reading a development book, do I like books that make me feel good because they validate what I already believe or emphasize my strengths, or do I like books that make me uncomfortable because they push me out of my comfort zone?

I have found that I learn a lot more when the palms of my hands are clammy.

I have found that opportunities that keep me up at night as I work through them in my head push me to grow.

I have found that interacting with people that challenge my way of thinking, strengthens my thinking.

So, with shoes or sofas, comfort is good. With personal development, I should often seek opportunities that make me a bit uncomfortable, or maybe really uncomfortable. Seeking to be comfortable will only hinder my learning and maturing.

Why Read?

"Leaders Read, Readers Lead".  

"Where you will be in 5 years depends on who you associate with now and what you are reading". 

Those are a couple quotes I like and have found to be accurate regarding reading.  When I hire a new employee and conduct an orientation, I tell them that there are two personal disciplines that I have found to be very important.  Those two disciplines are physical exercise and mental excercise.  Earlier I wrote a few posts on Why I Run.  Well, I'm finally getting to Why I Read. 

To put it simply, reading is the easiest, most efficient, least expensive and least painful way to learn that I have found.  So, why learn?  If you want to grow, develop, progress or get better at anything you must learn.  Continuous learning is critical for continuous living.  Without learning, the world will literally pass you by.  How can you have a positive influence on others without learning yourself?  What lessons can you teach that you haven't learned yourself?

Reading allows you to learn pretty much anything you want.  You can go online or to a library and find a book about anything.  It is so easy.  Sitting and reading.  It's that simple. 

The nice thing about books is that they are written by people that have already done the research.  It can take years for a book to be researched and then written.  It can take days, maybe even hours, to read the results of all that research.  That is some efficiency.  The life of Abraham Lincoln spanned 56 years.  I've read books about him.  He was a great leader and I was able to learn the leadership lessons from him in less than 31 days.  Plus, other than some documentaries, how else would you learn those lessons?  He isn't around to share them. 

With the internet and libraries, it is almost free to read.  The biggest costs would be the opportunity cost.  What could you be doing if you weren't reading?  Well, if learning is so important, what could you do with the time you are reading that would be more valuable?  It's hard to find something that could fill that 30 minutes that could be more valuable to your life.  More enjoyable, maybe.  But, more valuable?  Well, running/exercising, but lets assume you are doing that already.

So many of the lessons we learn come as a result of failing and suffering the consequences of not doing something right the first time.  These are great lessons and well worth the pain associated with failing, sometimes literally.  But, with reading, you can learn from other people's mistakes.  That is alot less painful.  I mentioned Lincoln above.  He wasn't perfect and didn't do everything right the first time.  I'd rather learn from his mistakes than have to learn from my mistakes that others have already made before me. 

Those are the practical reasons that I read but not the only reasons.  Just like running, I find reading to be a nice break from the day.  While I am able to think things through when I run, reading allows me to get away from those things I have been thinking about all day. 

I have also read the results of studies that indicate that people that read or regularly do other mental exercises such as Sudoku or crossword puzzles are less likely to develop mental illnesses such as Alzeheimers as they age.  Or, if they do contract those mental illnesses, they are less severe than in people that have not been regularly challenging their brain.  Makes sense.  If you want your arm to stay functional, use it.  If you want your brain to stay functional, use it.        

Why Read?  Because I want to truly live.  Because I owe it to my family, my business, my friends and those that I don't even know yet that I may have the opportunity to influence in a positive way.                         
    

Back to Normal?

When our family goes on a vacation or has a particularly busy period of time, we often can be heard saying "we need to get back into the routine" or "back to normal". This past weekend our family got news that my dad has a bone marrow disorder that will disrupt my parents life at least for the four months that he is scheduled for chemo. We frequently were making comments about getting back to normal. I wonder if God wants us to have "normal routines" to get back to?

The first 3 days I was in GA with my parents were relatively normal. Yes, I was there without the rest of my family and there was a lot of anxiety around getting the results. But, we went to dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse, a family favorite, where we ordered our normal meals. We watched sports like normal. Dad went to work like normal. We played a board game like normal. Mom kept busy, like normal. We avoided emotion, like normal.

On Friday, we got the news..... and, for the most part continued to act like normal. At least until dinner. We had to find a restaurant that wasn't busy so dad wouldn't be likely to pick up germs. We did Skype in the truck in the parking lot of Panera Bread because they had WiFi. We got home and started to act like normal again. Then, we had a conversation that included many tears a few hugs and lots of love. The love is pretty normal but the hugs, tears and intensity of emotion were very unnormal.

We entered Saturday hoping for a "normal" day. It was anything but normal. It started kind of slow with a good breakfast but not much talking. Around 1:00, a neighbor stopped by and shared an incredible story and gave my dad a very touching gift. We got a phone call from a relative with a really encouraging story that makes it hard to not believe in the sovereignty of God. We cried a lot. We ate dinner at 4:00 to avoid crowds. We had 4 people show up at the house at almost the exact same time to offer support. Eventually, we sat down to watch sports, like normal. Instead, we had more good conversation and more tears. Oh, and hung a valance over a window at 10 PM.

Sunday morning, we started like normal with a newspaper but quickly got unnormal. We had a prayer time together. Just speaking as we felt called. And crying. Soon, they had to go to church and I needed to get on the road. Normally, our goodbyes are quick hugs with mom and a handshake with dad along with a "take care", "see you...", or maybe even a quick "love ya". This morning it was long hugs for everybody, sincere "I love you's" and lots of tears. I even stopped as I was backing out, watching my parents wave goodbye, got out, ran up and gave them both one more big hug and "I Love You". It just seemed right. NOT NORMAL at all.

My trip home included spontaneous flowing of tears for the first couple hours. Not normal.

So, the first 3 days were "normal". I enjoyed that time with my parents. The last 2 days were not normal and those days were priceless.

I do hope my dad's health can get back to normal as much as possible but I hope our lives and our relationships never go "back to normal". I have a hunch that God's desire for us is to not be in our "normal routines" but to be uncomfortable and vulnerable and challenged. That is when we see His Hands at work in our lives. God's presence was so clear those last two days, and still is. Why would we want to go "back to normal"?

2011-2012

Each year since 2006 there seems to be a significant event, project or theme that sticks out for me. In 2006 it was training for and running my first, and still only, marathon. 2007 was the year we hit Symbol of Success at the store. In 2008 we participated in the development of the Recipe for Service. 2009 started as our best year ever and ended with me restructuring and restaffing my team for the future. 2010 was a year of struggles as an owner, leader, dad and husband.

How about 2011? And, what will it be in 2012?

As I wrote in a previous post, I entered 2011 with rumors about Zaxby's opening in our area. It turned out that they opened on the other end of our parking lot. I learned a lot about trust and perseverance through this. To control my anxiety about things I couldn't control. To see opportunities in the challenges. When I was tempted to complain or give up, I realized that I wouldn't just be letting myself down but also those that know me. I would be missing an opportunity to set an example of trusting God, persevering, and growing.

We opened in July of 1999. After Zaxby's opened in July of 2011, I was asked by a school and a church to come speak. I had never been asked before this. In both cases, students asked me how I felt about Zaxby's opening next door and I was able to share how I grew from being depressed and worrying constantly to trusting God and focusing on those things that I could control. I have since had the opportunity to speak to/with other groups. Nothing for 11+ years. Then, after working through Zaxby's opening, God has opened numerous doors to influence others. What if I had stayed in my depressed, victim mindset?

2011 was the year of learning to trust God and developing a growth mindset.

How about 2012? Well, 2011 began with the anxiety of a competitor opening and potentially hurting our business and impacting my family's well being. At least financially. 2012 begins with recent news that my dad has some abnormal blood test results, has had a bone marrow biopsy and we are awaiting the results. I don't know what the results will be. I don't know how this will play out in the upcoming year. I do know that I learned lessons in 2011 that I can apply in 2012.

Gotta Let Go

Last week during my planning day I was sitting outside doing some reading.  Reece comes by and asks me to take the training wheels off her bike.  We had been working on getting those off for almost a year but she had not been ready so I couldn't pass up this opportunity.  I was reading about leadership.  To pass up an opportunity to lead my daughter seemed to contradict what I was studying.  I'm glad I made the right decision.  I ended up learning and being reminded of some basic principles of leadership during the next 30 minutes.

I decided to take her to a better setting for learning to ride a bike.  We have a new development behind our neighborhood with a dead end road that nobody drives on.  On the way there, I asked her if she was ready to fall.  I told her that "everybody" falls when they learn to ride their bike and that as long as she was OK falling, she would learn to ride that day.  She said she was ready.  

Our first attempt consisted of me holding her seat and handle bars so I was providing the forward energy as well as the balance.  I could sense her leaning heavily in one direction.  It seemed that she was compensating for what she felt me doing.  I had a choice.  I could either provide more support and correct her leaning by pulling harder the other way or I could let go of the handle bars and let her control her balance.  I chose the latter.  

Our second attempt consisted of me holding her seat only and providing a little forward momentum but letting her stear and balance on her own.  Of course, since I had her seat in my hand, if I felt her really lose control, I could take over and prevent a major fall.  Very quickly, I could sense that she was doing well.  I started easing up on the pushing and letting her provide the energy.  Then, I took my hands off completely.  Of course, she didn't know because I was still beside her.  A few feet later, I decided to run up in front of her.  Amazingly, she didn't seem to notice the significance of this right away.  Then I held both my hands up and she realized that she was going on her own.  She had two reactions.  The first was a HUGE smile yelling "I did it!".  Then she immediately stopped because some doubt creeped in.  Fortunately, the satisfaction of doing it herself overcame the doubt that she could really quick and we started our 3rd attempt. 



This time, I just helped her get going and let go right away.  In the time that I fumbled with my phone to get a picture, she was already 40 yards away from me and still going (The picture above was of a later attempt when I was prepared with my phone).  Of course, she hadn't practiced turning so she just kept going straight.  After stopping, turning and coming back, we did a few more attempts with me just helping her get started.  Then, I told her I wasn't going to help anymore.  Within a few attempts she was able to get herself started and turn on her own.  Not only was I a very proud Dad but I was also a better leader (I hope) because I learned and was reminded of some important leaderhip lessons.  As I relive this, I see many lessons but a couple big ones stand out.

The first was the importance of MINDSET.  When I heard her ask to take the training wheels off and to go learn to ride I heard her confidence.  I knew she was ready to learn.  In the past, her mindset had been full of doubt.  The quote, "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right", comes to mind. 

Second was the importance of LETTING GO.  If I had continued to hold on or even held on tighter when I felt her leaning she would not have learned nearly as fast as when I made the decision to let go of the handle bar.  Then, when I let go of her seat, she was able to go farther and faster than we would have been able if she was simply relying on me to propel her.  

A leader needs to prepare and equip the team for the moment that they will let go.  If you let go too soon, a disaster could occur.  If I hadn't sensed that she could handle it, I wouldn't let go.  A big crash would have ended our attempt really quick.  If you hold on too long, though,  it delays success and eventually will frustrate the team.  The leader needs to know when to let go and be willing to let go.  

As parents, this is huge.  Whether it is riding a bike, driving a car, waving goodbye as they head to college or handing them off to their new spouse when they get married, we need to have prepared them as best we could and then let go.

In my store, I had been holding onto some basic activities that I just didn't want to hand off.  I had good reasons, I thought.  It wasn't a lack of trust or because I thought I could do it best.  I thought I was doing my team a favor by not "making" them do these tasks.  At the beginning of 2011, I was going to be out of town when these needed to be done so I had no choice but to hand them off.  I had taught my team how to do them before but never completely handed them off.  It went well that month.  In February, I chose to "allow" them to do it again.  Same thing in March.  The funny thing is that about half way through the year, our results were better than ever before and these simple tasks were part of those results.  Is it possible that finally letting go of those tasks allowed my team to reach its full potential?  When people ask how we have had those results this year, that is the most important thing I did.  We had tools which we had before.  It was the same people.  I just let go.  

The sad thing is that I didn't just learn this lesson.  I have learned it so many times.  There is always something that I want to keep a hold on beyond the time that I should let it go.  Over and over again, though, I learn that when I let go better results occur.                 

Oh, and Reece came up to me after riding for a while and said, "Daddy, I didn't even fall".  The key was that she was willing to fall (fail) and that was what allowed her to succeed.  A few months ago Hilda, one of my leaders at the store, asked me, "What would you do today if you knew you couldn't fail".  What are you not accomplishing because you are afraid to fail?       



                                 



TRUST

As part of my interviews for prospective employees, I ask them to come with 10 questions that they will ask me.  Yesterday, I was asked a fairly common question.  "If I am hired, what will be expected of me?"  Before I answered I asked what she thought.  She responded with many expectations such as hard working, friendly, reliable, good attitude, willing to do whatever is needed, etc.  Those are all great but there is one that she left out.  I told her she could do all those things but if we couldn't TRUST her, it wouldn't work out here.  Trust is crucial.

Last week, I had the opportunity to talk with the youth group at a local church.  I was asked, "what is something God is teaching me?"  On my bedroom wall is a picture with Proverbs 3:5-6 on it.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will keep your path straight".  That is easy to say, but often hard to do.

In July, we had a direct competitor open on the other end of our parking lot.  I found out about it near the beginning of 2011.  When I first heard the rumors, I was devastated.  All these years of building up our business and here comes a competitor to "get a piece of the pie", as they told us.  What would it do to our business?  Would we drop so much we had to cut employees hours or entire positions?  What would happen to my income?  Could we afford to keep our kids in the school we have them in and really appreciate?  Would I be "unsuccessful" because another business took our customers?  I was in the pits.

As time rolled on and the rumors became reality, I struggled through it.  I asked what is the purpose of this?  Why was God allowing this to happen?  Well, it became clear that I needed to learn to truly trust God.  I had done all the little things.  Coached good customer service, encouraged our team to keep the store clean, keep the food fresh, be efficient.  All the things that make a good restaurant.  But, did I trust God?

I told the applicant that they could do all the little, technical things right but if I couldn't trust them, it was not going to work.

Here I was doing all the little things right (well, many of them), running a restaurant that customers enjoyed, but I wasn't trusting God.  It won't work out unless I am trusting Him.  In fact, I can mess up alot of the little things, but if my faith is strong and I truly trust Him, He will "make my path straight".