Back to Normal?

When our family goes on a vacation or has a particularly busy period of time, we often can be heard saying "we need to get back into the routine" or "back to normal". This past weekend our family got news that my dad has a bone marrow disorder that will disrupt my parents life at least for the four months that he is scheduled for chemo. We frequently were making comments about getting back to normal. I wonder if God wants us to have "normal routines" to get back to?

The first 3 days I was in GA with my parents were relatively normal. Yes, I was there without the rest of my family and there was a lot of anxiety around getting the results. But, we went to dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse, a family favorite, where we ordered our normal meals. We watched sports like normal. Dad went to work like normal. We played a board game like normal. Mom kept busy, like normal. We avoided emotion, like normal.

On Friday, we got the news..... and, for the most part continued to act like normal. At least until dinner. We had to find a restaurant that wasn't busy so dad wouldn't be likely to pick up germs. We did Skype in the truck in the parking lot of Panera Bread because they had WiFi. We got home and started to act like normal again. Then, we had a conversation that included many tears a few hugs and lots of love. The love is pretty normal but the hugs, tears and intensity of emotion were very unnormal.

We entered Saturday hoping for a "normal" day. It was anything but normal. It started kind of slow with a good breakfast but not much talking. Around 1:00, a neighbor stopped by and shared an incredible story and gave my dad a very touching gift. We got a phone call from a relative with a really encouraging story that makes it hard to not believe in the sovereignty of God. We cried a lot. We ate dinner at 4:00 to avoid crowds. We had 4 people show up at the house at almost the exact same time to offer support. Eventually, we sat down to watch sports, like normal. Instead, we had more good conversation and more tears. Oh, and hung a valance over a window at 10 PM.

Sunday morning, we started like normal with a newspaper but quickly got unnormal. We had a prayer time together. Just speaking as we felt called. And crying. Soon, they had to go to church and I needed to get on the road. Normally, our goodbyes are quick hugs with mom and a handshake with dad along with a "take care", "see you...", or maybe even a quick "love ya". This morning it was long hugs for everybody, sincere "I love you's" and lots of tears. I even stopped as I was backing out, watching my parents wave goodbye, got out, ran up and gave them both one more big hug and "I Love You". It just seemed right. NOT NORMAL at all.

My trip home included spontaneous flowing of tears for the first couple hours. Not normal.

So, the first 3 days were "normal". I enjoyed that time with my parents. The last 2 days were not normal and those days were priceless.

I do hope my dad's health can get back to normal as much as possible but I hope our lives and our relationships never go "back to normal". I have a hunch that God's desire for us is to not be in our "normal routines" but to be uncomfortable and vulnerable and challenged. That is when we see His Hands at work in our lives. God's presence was so clear those last two days, and still is. Why would we want to go "back to normal"?

2011-2012

Each year since 2006 there seems to be a significant event, project or theme that sticks out for me. In 2006 it was training for and running my first, and still only, marathon. 2007 was the year we hit Symbol of Success at the store. In 2008 we participated in the development of the Recipe for Service. 2009 started as our best year ever and ended with me restructuring and restaffing my team for the future. 2010 was a year of struggles as an owner, leader, dad and husband.

How about 2011? And, what will it be in 2012?

As I wrote in a previous post, I entered 2011 with rumors about Zaxby's opening in our area. It turned out that they opened on the other end of our parking lot. I learned a lot about trust and perseverance through this. To control my anxiety about things I couldn't control. To see opportunities in the challenges. When I was tempted to complain or give up, I realized that I wouldn't just be letting myself down but also those that know me. I would be missing an opportunity to set an example of trusting God, persevering, and growing.

We opened in July of 1999. After Zaxby's opened in July of 2011, I was asked by a school and a church to come speak. I had never been asked before this. In both cases, students asked me how I felt about Zaxby's opening next door and I was able to share how I grew from being depressed and worrying constantly to trusting God and focusing on those things that I could control. I have since had the opportunity to speak to/with other groups. Nothing for 11+ years. Then, after working through Zaxby's opening, God has opened numerous doors to influence others. What if I had stayed in my depressed, victim mindset?

2011 was the year of learning to trust God and developing a growth mindset.

How about 2012? Well, 2011 began with the anxiety of a competitor opening and potentially hurting our business and impacting my family's well being. At least financially. 2012 begins with recent news that my dad has some abnormal blood test results, has had a bone marrow biopsy and we are awaiting the results. I don't know what the results will be. I don't know how this will play out in the upcoming year. I do know that I learned lessons in 2011 that I can apply in 2012.

Gotta Let Go

Last week during my planning day I was sitting outside doing some reading.  Reece comes by and asks me to take the training wheels off her bike.  We had been working on getting those off for almost a year but she had not been ready so I couldn't pass up this opportunity.  I was reading about leadership.  To pass up an opportunity to lead my daughter seemed to contradict what I was studying.  I'm glad I made the right decision.  I ended up learning and being reminded of some basic principles of leadership during the next 30 minutes.

I decided to take her to a better setting for learning to ride a bike.  We have a new development behind our neighborhood with a dead end road that nobody drives on.  On the way there, I asked her if she was ready to fall.  I told her that "everybody" falls when they learn to ride their bike and that as long as she was OK falling, she would learn to ride that day.  She said she was ready.  

Our first attempt consisted of me holding her seat and handle bars so I was providing the forward energy as well as the balance.  I could sense her leaning heavily in one direction.  It seemed that she was compensating for what she felt me doing.  I had a choice.  I could either provide more support and correct her leaning by pulling harder the other way or I could let go of the handle bars and let her control her balance.  I chose the latter.  

Our second attempt consisted of me holding her seat only and providing a little forward momentum but letting her stear and balance on her own.  Of course, since I had her seat in my hand, if I felt her really lose control, I could take over and prevent a major fall.  Very quickly, I could sense that she was doing well.  I started easing up on the pushing and letting her provide the energy.  Then, I took my hands off completely.  Of course, she didn't know because I was still beside her.  A few feet later, I decided to run up in front of her.  Amazingly, she didn't seem to notice the significance of this right away.  Then I held both my hands up and she realized that she was going on her own.  She had two reactions.  The first was a HUGE smile yelling "I did it!".  Then she immediately stopped because some doubt creeped in.  Fortunately, the satisfaction of doing it herself overcame the doubt that she could really quick and we started our 3rd attempt. 



This time, I just helped her get going and let go right away.  In the time that I fumbled with my phone to get a picture, she was already 40 yards away from me and still going (The picture above was of a later attempt when I was prepared with my phone).  Of course, she hadn't practiced turning so she just kept going straight.  After stopping, turning and coming back, we did a few more attempts with me just helping her get started.  Then, I told her I wasn't going to help anymore.  Within a few attempts she was able to get herself started and turn on her own.  Not only was I a very proud Dad but I was also a better leader (I hope) because I learned and was reminded of some important leaderhip lessons.  As I relive this, I see many lessons but a couple big ones stand out.

The first was the importance of MINDSET.  When I heard her ask to take the training wheels off and to go learn to ride I heard her confidence.  I knew she was ready to learn.  In the past, her mindset had been full of doubt.  The quote, "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right", comes to mind. 

Second was the importance of LETTING GO.  If I had continued to hold on or even held on tighter when I felt her leaning she would not have learned nearly as fast as when I made the decision to let go of the handle bar.  Then, when I let go of her seat, she was able to go farther and faster than we would have been able if she was simply relying on me to propel her.  

A leader needs to prepare and equip the team for the moment that they will let go.  If you let go too soon, a disaster could occur.  If I hadn't sensed that she could handle it, I wouldn't let go.  A big crash would have ended our attempt really quick.  If you hold on too long, though,  it delays success and eventually will frustrate the team.  The leader needs to know when to let go and be willing to let go.  

As parents, this is huge.  Whether it is riding a bike, driving a car, waving goodbye as they head to college or handing them off to their new spouse when they get married, we need to have prepared them as best we could and then let go.

In my store, I had been holding onto some basic activities that I just didn't want to hand off.  I had good reasons, I thought.  It wasn't a lack of trust or because I thought I could do it best.  I thought I was doing my team a favor by not "making" them do these tasks.  At the beginning of 2011, I was going to be out of town when these needed to be done so I had no choice but to hand them off.  I had taught my team how to do them before but never completely handed them off.  It went well that month.  In February, I chose to "allow" them to do it again.  Same thing in March.  The funny thing is that about half way through the year, our results were better than ever before and these simple tasks were part of those results.  Is it possible that finally letting go of those tasks allowed my team to reach its full potential?  When people ask how we have had those results this year, that is the most important thing I did.  We had tools which we had before.  It was the same people.  I just let go.  

The sad thing is that I didn't just learn this lesson.  I have learned it so many times.  There is always something that I want to keep a hold on beyond the time that I should let it go.  Over and over again, though, I learn that when I let go better results occur.                 

Oh, and Reece came up to me after riding for a while and said, "Daddy, I didn't even fall".  The key was that she was willing to fall (fail) and that was what allowed her to succeed.  A few months ago Hilda, one of my leaders at the store, asked me, "What would you do today if you knew you couldn't fail".  What are you not accomplishing because you are afraid to fail?       



                                 



TRUST

As part of my interviews for prospective employees, I ask them to come with 10 questions that they will ask me.  Yesterday, I was asked a fairly common question.  "If I am hired, what will be expected of me?"  Before I answered I asked what she thought.  She responded with many expectations such as hard working, friendly, reliable, good attitude, willing to do whatever is needed, etc.  Those are all great but there is one that she left out.  I told her she could do all those things but if we couldn't TRUST her, it wouldn't work out here.  Trust is crucial.

Last week, I had the opportunity to talk with the youth group at a local church.  I was asked, "what is something God is teaching me?"  On my bedroom wall is a picture with Proverbs 3:5-6 on it.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will keep your path straight".  That is easy to say, but often hard to do.

In July, we had a direct competitor open on the other end of our parking lot.  I found out about it near the beginning of 2011.  When I first heard the rumors, I was devastated.  All these years of building up our business and here comes a competitor to "get a piece of the pie", as they told us.  What would it do to our business?  Would we drop so much we had to cut employees hours or entire positions?  What would happen to my income?  Could we afford to keep our kids in the school we have them in and really appreciate?  Would I be "unsuccessful" because another business took our customers?  I was in the pits.

As time rolled on and the rumors became reality, I struggled through it.  I asked what is the purpose of this?  Why was God allowing this to happen?  Well, it became clear that I needed to learn to truly trust God.  I had done all the little things.  Coached good customer service, encouraged our team to keep the store clean, keep the food fresh, be efficient.  All the things that make a good restaurant.  But, did I trust God?

I told the applicant that they could do all the little, technical things right but if I couldn't trust them, it was not going to work.

Here I was doing all the little things right (well, many of them), running a restaurant that customers enjoyed, but I wasn't trusting God.  It won't work out unless I am trusting Him.  In fact, I can mess up alot of the little things, but if my faith is strong and I truly trust Him, He will "make my path straight". 
                      

Generational Learning

Edmund Burke (1729-1797) said, "Those who don't know history are destined to repeat it."  I think you could also say, "Those who do know history can build upon it".  You can take the things that have worked over time and add to them.  

Between my reading and listening to individuals that come from previous generations, I have observed a few things that I think we can apply and build on. 

From my grandparent's generation, we often hear stories about hard work, commitment, loyalty, and the attitude of "just get it done".  The stories come from the Great Depression, WWII and the early post WWII years.  They were the "Greatest Generation".  They worked hard, they worked long hours.  They did what it took to get the results they wanted.  They didn't have much but they made the best of what they had.  If it meant working more than 40 hours per week or having 2 jobs, that is what they did and it was not considered exceptional to make that commitment.  Could those lessons still apply today?  

From my parent's generation, "The Baby Boomers", I have picked up on the importance of quality.  TQM (Total Quality Management) was the thing to learn in management courses.  Japanese car companies took over the automotive industry by doing this.  Detroit lost it's edge by cutting costs and not responding with quality products soon enough.  They are still playing catch-up.  

My business classes in college were all about quality and management to get quality.  That was until now.

This generation talks about influence.  Developing people.  True Leadership.  Sure, this has been happening all along, just like quality has always been good.  But, it seems that the focus in this generation is on the people more than the product.  At least with the growth minded organizations. 

Does that mean we should forget hard work?  What about quality?

What if we combine hard work, a commitment to quality AND the passion for influence?  I think it is safe to say that many in today's generation have forgotten some of the lessons from previous generations.  They may want to have an influence but have forgotten how to work hard or commit.  They may have a commitment to quality but not a passion for developing others.  They may have a good work ethic but not a commitment to quality.  What if we work on bringing the past and the present learnings together?  The true leaders of today do just this.  They are commited to doing whatever it takes, with a commitment to quality and a passion for developing others (influence).      

"Those that know their history and apply it will build on each generation's strengths and add their own."  

Fair Learnings

This past week, we took the family to the NC State Fair.  I think this was our 4th time but I still haven't figured out the layout exactly.  I have a general idea of what direction I want to go, but at times I feel like I am in a maze and not exactly sure where I am.

At the store, we are talking about vision statements.  These are "paintings" of what we would like our business to look like in the future.  Kaylyn and I are working on the same thing for our family.  If we don't know what we are working towards, it will be pretty tough to get there.  We often talk about goals and dreams.  Where we want to be 6 months from now, 1 year or 10 years from now.

At the fair I was reminded that another crucial part of the equation is KNOWING where you ARE.  You may have a vision but do you have accurate knowledge of where you are now?  We were trying to hook up with some friends and part of that conversation consisted of explaining where each of us were at the time.  That was really important.  Or, when we wanted to find the Sky Diver or the Ferris Wheel, knowing where we were was a critical piece of information.  If we thought we were one place when we were actually at another, we would go the wrong way to find our destination.  We would ultimately find our way but if we didn't have an accurate idea of our location it took more time making some wrong turns than if we had known where we were to begin with.

As our family and my business works on where we want to go, we need to ensure we know where we are right now.  Not just think we know, but ensure we have an accurate understanding of where we are now.

Super Heroes and Their Sidekicks

I will be talking with 2 groups this month and one common question is, "who were/are your heroes?"

Here are the definitions I found for "Hero". 
1) a. A mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability. 
b. An illustrious warrior.
c. A man admired for his achievements and noble qualities
2) a. The principle male character in a literary or dramatic work
b. The central figure in an event, period or movement
3) Submarine
4) An object of extreme admiration and devotion

Synonyms are god, idol and icon.

When I think of my heroes I think the synonym, icon, is the most appropriate.  Icon's first definition is "a usually pictorial representation".  When I think of heroes, I think of people that represent a certain quality or ability that I admire. 

The first three people that come to mind are my Dad, my Mom and my Pastor when I was growing up.  They were my primary role models during my early development.  They influenced me in multiple areas of my life.  My faith in God, my work ethic, my morals, my athletic development, my values, my hobbies, etc.  My Dad, My Mom and my pastor helped me build a foundation as a young person that would allow others to add their influence to my life.  My parents and my pastor are my Super Heroes.

As with any good Super Hero story, there are also sidekicks that support the efforts of the Super Heroes.  I think we often overlook these people in our lives.  Many people can identify a single hero and it is often a parent or teacher or coach.  What about the sidekicks?  What about the other people that have influenced you and molded you along your way?

I think for many of us, it is these sidekicks that really help us in specific ways and help determine how successful we will be in our different endeavours.  Whether it is in marriage, parenting, business, sports, or any other aspect of our lives.  We probably would be OK without any single one of them, but collectively, their influence on us is indispensable.

For many of us, we don't choose our Super Heroes.  But, the sidekicks are often chosen by our actions.  Who we choose to be friends with.  Who we choose to work with.  Who we choose to have lunch with.  Who we choose to have as a roommate in college.  Who we choose to marry.  Who we choose to call on the phone today.  Who we choose to introduce ourselves to this afternoon.  Who we go to the movies with Friday night.

I can't remember the source of this quote but I believe it to be true.  "What we are reading and who we surround ourselves with today determines where we will be 5 years from now."

Pick your sidekicks wisely.